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inquiry based practice
December 2009 
The Self in Question - TSK week 1
Davidu
To start the TSK on-line 2009 – 2010 class, our teacher, Jack Petranker, had us "loosen up our inquiry muscles" so to speak. We were asked to consider knowledge as not something we own. In Love Of Knowledge, Rinpoché says: “Knowledge is not what the knower knows.” The problem is we are used to assuming, "knowledge is what the knower knows, that no one else can do the knowing."
The example of 'typing' was used to point to how often 'typing seems to happen automatically'. Our teacher said, the body seems to know what to do, and the mind makes thoughts and words available. The idea is to look at the assumptions operating here of my thoughts, my skills, my body and my mind. What does this mean, and what is the basis for the claim of 'my'?
For practice we were asked to try the following: When the ‘I’ wants something (a snack, a break from work, words of praise, etc.) try saying no. Don’t go along with what the 'I' wants. What happens?
I've been challenging myself, that is, saying 'no' to different things I want -- to see how that feels. The obvious thing I noticed was that giving in to the desire, or saying 'yes' (actually getting what I desired at the moment) happened only once, but when I had to say 'no' I did so repeatedly -- the desire kept returning. Watching that insistence was interesting, it was like an urge nudging me. It often arose in the form of an imagined feeling and image; how I would feel and even look enjoying what I wanted. This was a definite pulling apart from where I was just prior to the arising of this imagined pleasure. Because just prior to the desire I remember just moving with whatever presented itself; sometimes I was watching TV, another time I was reading. Both times I was engaged with that activity without much distraction.
Saying 'no' to the desire as it arose in my imagination actually produced a tinge of anxiety, because I realized I would remain separate from what I imagined, there would be no satisfaction, but on the other hand, this inquiry was also interesting, and I wanted to see where it led. So it would seem another desire took the place of the original one. I thought this was curious too; observing how I was being led from one subtle desire to another.
Someone in class pointed to Kafka's idea of the 'self as Evil One', something like, "When the Evil One takes us over, our explanations are no longer ours but those of the Evil One." I don't feel the self is evil, but I do feel the urge or tendency to 'take me over' by separating, and consolidating. I suspect in the coming weeks we will inquire deeper into self-activities; how they happen, and how it feels.
PRACTICE NOTES TABLE OF CONTENTS
Fall Session - "Self in Question"
September 27th - December 13, 2009
Davidu
1. The Self In Question - TSK Week 1
2. The Self In Question - TSK weeks 2-3
starlight
1. The Queen and 'I' - TSK 1
2. Tyranny of I's...TSK wk 3
Balder
Access: Public
Hey David, your take on things always opens up something for me, allowing awareness to look at it in another way…I am also amazed at how differently awareness expresses itself within different aspects of being…thnx for this entry…love and joy*
Thanks Star. I have another entry percolating… {:-0